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#dadjokes
I told the doctor that I kept thinking I worked at a cinema.
He told me I was just projecting.
What root vegetable is pretty awesome, most of the time?
Radish.
Research shows that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog.
So, now I’m sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
Taking care of a sick kid at home (again). My kid got up and left her beverage in another room.
Wife: ok, I guess I'll go grab her tea.
Me, feeling mischievous: I think I'll try defying "grab her tea"
Wife: 
I hope you're happy now
#dadjokes
What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
#dadjokes
What's the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.
You know. CIS people can't cross the Atlantic Ocean. That's why it's called transatlantic.
Hope it's not too late for this #PiDay post...
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.
Never use a cloud-based phone.
You’ll end up with mist calls.
New atoms frequently lose electrons when they fail to keep an ion them.
My wife said, "The problem with making Meatloaf is it goes too fast."
I told her, "It goes like a Bat Out of Hell".
