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#coercivecontrol

1 post1 participant0 posts today
Emeritus Prof Christopher May

Despite some high profile successes in the prosecution of partners for coercive control, it appears (once again) many police forces are not getting it right on the ground - prosecuting the victims of conceive control for the actions they have bene forced into, rather than going after the perpetrators.

I'd like to say this is surprising, but its all too grimly predictable!

#women #CoerciveControl

theguardian.com/society/2025/j

The Guardian · Survivors of coercive control are being criminalised in England, research findsBy Hannah Al-Othman
*
quackademic

The lives of unpaid carers are exhausting & their work deserves Huge respect. Watching a loved one decline like this is endless grief.

But….

The tone of this piece & others like it is another version of the myth of the ‘good woman’ (even tho some carers are men) - the idea that the ‘right’ way to think about dementia is that the person suffering is a paragon & the adoring carer will sacrifice their own health & well being for as long as it takes.

I wonder whose voices are silenced by this.

What about the people who are bound by circumstance caring for someone who for years has been their abuser? People entrapped in a relationship of coercive control learn they cannot trust their own feelings or judgment, that their worth lies only in serving their abuser & that they are not entitled to be safe. The idea of standing up to a partner who does not want to go into care is unthinkable. Facing their anger is too frightening.

The framing used in pieces like this is another rope binding such people into their learned certainty that ‘if I wasn’t such a failure as a person I could do this’. Looking from this place, for some the only escape that feels possible is their own death.

For all the respect I offer to carers like those in this article, it is the experience of people whose voices are made inadmissible by the framing used here, that breaks my heart 💔

#AgedCare #Dementia #CoerciveControl

‘I could never, ever not care for her’: how do carers know when to stop caring for those they love? theguardian.com/society/2025/m

The Guardian · ‘I could never, ever not care for her’: how do carers know when to stop caring for those they love?By Susan Chenery
🅰🅻🅸🅲🅴 (🌈🦄)

#CW: talk of abuse, control, and food.

This morning at breakfast my partner apologized for leaving the heel* of the bread loaf for me, and I was reminded of how much my ex used to control my eating.

*there was another loaf thawing, so I could have easily eaten that instead of the heel.

I used to get a "talking-to" for:
- eating the last of anything my ex might want.
- not eating the last of anything my ex didn't want.
- asking for things I wanted (like Swiss cheese**).
- cooking something for myself that they liked.
- cooking something for myself they didn't like.
- not cooking things just the way they liked.
- eating "too much".
- being "too thin".

**earlier in my relationship with my current partner, while we were at the grocery store, they asked if there was any cheese I wanted. I said "I like Swiss" as I broke down crying, following up with "but I'm not really allowed to get it".

My current partner is amazing, and my ex is my ex for a lot of good reasons, and I'm happy-sad crying a bit this morning, and I just want anyone who this list resonates with to know they aren't alone—that's abuse, plain and simple—and you can get out too.

Here's some info on coercive control (just ignore the ad for BetterHelp, because fuck them):

psychcentral.com/health/coerci

Psych Central · 8 Signs of Coercive ControlCoercive control refers to any pattern of harmful oppressive, dominating behavior used to force you to behave in a certain way. Recognizing the signs may help.
#Abuse#AbuseSurvivors#CoerciveControl
quackademic

#CoerciveControl is a useful concept for making visible the abuses of #power that can occur in hierarchical relationships.

We now see them more easily in #families, #cults & other institutions. Perhaps our next step is to see how people raised in relations of hierarchy learn that the only way to be safe is to either become the biggest #bully in the room or to appease that bully.

So many of the people who achieve power in our #political & other institutions appear to operate like this. While bullying behaviour is seen as normal, or even valorised as a characteristic of alpha masculinity, our cultural framing rules (what we’re allowed to say) & feeling rules (what we’re allowed to feel) obscure it from view. The consequences of a bully’s actions are seen as resulting from the personal failings of those who are harmed. Naming this dynamic becomes a dangerous act.

Sound familiar?

What if our culture‘s assumed hierarchy of human value is mistaken? What if this way of making sense of the world harms us more than it protects? What if we are all connected & our wellbeing depends on the wellbeing of others?

When bullies win, everyone loses. I say yay to every way we make this visible.

abc.net.au/news/2025-04-12/coe

ABC News · As a Victorian inquiry delves into claims of coercive control in religion, families are calling for changeBy Jonathon Kendall
quackademic

This is simple bully tactics. Lead with ‘I have power now & I can hurt you’. Follow with ‘if you are nice to me I’ll only hurt you a bit. Anyone who resists with be punished’. Everyone is cowed & falls in line. There must always be a scapegoat to be an example to others, everyone knows that any day it could be them.

The dynamic is so familiar to anyone who experienced bullying in school. I wonder if this is how the sad man who is driving this was parented? He has clearly learned that being the one running the protection racket is the only way to be safe.

Our cultural acceptance & normalising of #bullying & #CoerciveControl in families, schools, relationships, business & governance enables these abuses.

abc.net.au/news/2025-04-09/chi

ABC News · China slaps 84 per cent tariff on US goods as EU announces retaliatory leviesBy Patrick Martin
Radical Anthropology

Social workers get 1 hour total on their courses on #coercivecontrol and #genderbased violence!

'After five years in the job, social worker Cintia estimates about 90% of her caseload is linked to psychological and controlling abuse, yet her university course barely mentioned it.'

My recent experience of being violently attacked occurred when I came across gender-based, coercive control between my close neighbour and her violent partner. So this strikes home!

bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cn4970

BBC NewsSocial workers 'must be' taught to spot controlling behaviour, says abuse commissionerCall for mandatory training to spot controlling behaviour, after BBC analysis of social-work courses.
Replied in thread
MidsouthMouth.OctaviaKeats

@Violinknitter
With your username, I might be preaching to the choir, but may introduce you to the knitting cult lady?

Knitting Cult Lady AKA

#cults #CoerciveControl #HighControlGroups #military #DaniellaMestyanekYoung
m.youtube.com/@GroupBehaviorGa

YouTubeKnitting Cult Lady I’m Daniella, a scholar of cults, extreme groups, and extremely bad leadership. I was born three generations into the notorious sex cult, the children of God, and after my escape, and getting an education, I commissioned into the US Army. My first book, Uncultured, is about the parallels I found. I have a masters degree in organizational psychology from Harvard, and I am currently writing a second book called the Culting of America. But really, I’m just here educating people about cults, coercive, control, leadership demagogy, and how cult tactics, techniques and procedures show up in all kinds of groups that we don’t call “cults“
Continued thread
*
Mx. Luna Corbden

This Freeguard uses a technique that my abuser used but my cult didn’t, at least not this directed. It’s an intense repetitive campaign to wear you down. Either in the moment where they berate you hard or run you in circles until you’re emotionally spent, or over months, where they keep pressuring you about a thing they want, even in funny/friendly ways, and other ways, but in the end you’re exhausted and can’t think anymore and you give in.

(This is why I agreed to the dog he wanted, so he’d let up about the baby he wanted.)

Freeguard uses the phone for instance to harass a family until they gave in, as part of a larger scheme.

#Cults#MindControl#AbuseCulture
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