Shakedown Social

josh susser#uspol, grieving, and #autistic masking

SleepyCatten<a href="https://beige.party/@pathfinder" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@pathfinder</a> Totally this 🩷There is a great short on double empathy <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydj4cI8Ifts" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">here</a> by Morgan Foley (AuDHD), as well as a longer video <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbH9pLqq5S8" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">here</a>.<a href="https://cultofshiv.wtf/tags/neurodivergent" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#neurodivergent</a> <a href="https://cultofshiv.wtf/tags/neurospicy" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#neurospicy</a> <a href="https://cultofshiv.wtf/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ActuallyAutistic</a> <a href="https://cultofshiv.wtf/tags/ADHD" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ADHD</a> <a href="https://cultofshiv.wtf/tags/AuDHD" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#AuDHD</a> <a href="https://cultofshiv.wtf/tags/DoubleEmpathy" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#DoubleEmpathy</a> <a href="https://cultofshiv.wtf/tags/DoubleEmpathyProblem" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#DoubleEmpathyProblem</a>

josh susserI've said for years that therapy is not just useless but often counterproductive for us <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/neurodivergent" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#neurodivergent</a> folk. This video is a nice example of that. It *seems* like good advice for the typical person: self-acceptance, self-confidence, growing past your childhood, handling trauma, the usual stuff. But, like every other psychology video I've seen that wasn't specifically focused on neurodivergence, it only speaks to neurotypicals. And the advice the therapist gives is not helpful for people like me.I'm <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/AuDHD" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#AuDHD</a>, so your mileage may vary, but for me, this advice is crap. My challenge isn't self-acceptance or overcoming some irrational fear of rejection. It's the <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/DoubleEmpathyProblem" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#DoubleEmpathyProblem</a>, and how neurotypicals judge me superficially based on neurological differences that prevent me from doing non-verbal affect their way so we can connect emotionally. It's the <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/SocialModelOfDisability" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#SocialModelOfDisability</a> that lets people declare me the one with the problem because I'm in the minority, so they expect me to always be the one to adapt to their communication style. It's that I don't get to process my childhood trauma of rejection, neglect, and abuse, because I continue to experience that even now in my 60s, and you can't process and heal trauma until you aren't in the traumatizing situation anymore.If I took this therapist's advice to heart, I would just make things worse for myself. I know, because I have walked that road before, and all that happened was I got lost and hurt. An old therapist of mine told me I just need to be more confident and put myself out there, and people will respond. I actually laughed at her. Then I went out and found an autistic therapist so I didn't have to hear that crap anymore.This is a big part of why it's hard to be neurodivergent in our society: we are excluded by default. We aren't even an afterthought - we're a neverthought. Nobody thinks of us unless we become a problem they have to deal with. So when we ask to be included, they see us as a problem and usually get defensive and then go on to justify why they forgot about us. How hard would it be for this Mended Light therapist to include a sentence or two saying this advice wasn't for ND folk and we should not try to follow it? How hard would it be for him to include some useful advice for us, which might also help NT folk watching the video to understand us better?My dear neurokin, be careful consuming advice from people that don't understand us and that isn't meant for us. We're not the same as them, and we don't succeed by acting like we are. And to people making psychology videos, could you maybe remember we exist and include us even when you're not speaking specifically to us?[Mended Light: How to Get Over the Pain of Rejection and Be Authentically YOU!] <a href="https://youtu.be/3GpY1NefXuQ" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank">https://youtu.be/3GpY1NefXuQ</a><a href="https://autistics.life/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ActuallyAutistic</a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/autistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#autistic</a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/ADHD" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ADHD</a>

Digit<a href="https://techhub.social/@hosford42" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@hosford42</a> Mhmm. Principled integrity. Moral compass. Who needs be adapting our thinking constantly, not having the same cerebelum short-hand and being in the minority, ... methinks them three fingers project much, eh, in such "rigid thinking" finger pointing we receive. Rip the masks off! :D Maybe that will reveal to them how much we've been having to be flexible in our thinking. See if they could be as flexible as to meet us where we strive our whole lives to meet them, and their "rigid thinking". <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/latediagnosedcatharticgriping" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#latediagnosedcatharticgriping</a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/actuallyautistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#actuallyautistic</a> <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/doubleEmpathyProblem" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#doubleEmpathyProblem</a>

The Secret Life Of Plants🌱Herabstufung von <a href="https://digitalcourage.social/tags/Emotionen" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#Emotionen</a> bezüglich ihrer Bewertung durch sogenannte Ragingagenturen. <a href="https://digitalcourage.social/tags/actuallyautistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#actuallyautistic</a> <a href="https://digitalcourage.social/tags/doubleempathyproblem" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#doubleempathyproblem</a>

josh susserIn my experience, when I have told an NT person that I am <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/autistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#autistic</a>, they tend to take it to mean one of two things:1. They think if I am self-aware enough to know I'm autistic so that I could tell them about it, that implies I know the difference between autistic and normal behavior, so I can just do the normal thing, because that's all it takes, knowing what the normal thing is. They think I'm informing them that I've got it handled, so they can just carry on as usual without any adjustments. Maybe they think I'm bragging or asking them to be impressed? Who knows.2. They think I am informing them of an insurmountable barrier to communication, and conclude it will be too hard to have a relationship (of whatever kind), so there's no point in trying.The frustrating thing is that they don't realize there is a third option: They could meet us halfway. They could learn to do their part in bridging the <a href="https://autistics.life/tags/DoubleEmpathyProblem" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#DoubleEmpathyProblem</a> communication gap. They could cut us a little slack when we unintentionally mess up and break one of their mysterious social rules that are impossible for us to learn, because part of the rules is that they always lie about what the rules really are. They could try to understand that we see the world differently than they do, that the way we see things is just as valid as theirs, and we shouldn't have to do all the work to bridge the communication gap without any help from them.And beyond frustrating, they appear to think the way to support me is to "help" me adapt to NT social norms. They tell me what I'm doing is wrong, even without me asking. They "guide" me toward NT standard behavior, which usually feels like bullying because then they punish me when I don't conform. It feels like everyone thinks it's their job to be an ABA therapist and gently torture me into normality.There are, thankfully, some people who I'm close enough to that I can lead them to the third option. But that's always hit-or-miss, and is never easy. I'm really grateful for the handful of people who really do accept me, and even if they don't understand me all the time, they cut me some slack for not being able to perform NT.<a href="https://autistics.life/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ActuallyAutistic</a>

Katy Elphinstone<a href="https://mas.to/tags/AutisticCommunication" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#AutisticCommunication</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ActuallyAutistic</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/Neurodivergent" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#Neurodivergent</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/DoubleEmpathyProblem" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#DoubleEmpathyProblem</a>

Katy ElphinstoneYou will know who your people are. They will feel like safety. They will feel like sunlight. <a href="https://mas.to/tags/ActuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ActuallyAutistic</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/DoubleEmpathyProblem" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#DoubleEmpathyProblem</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/Neurodivergent" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#Neurodivergent</a>

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